i’ve given up on writing i’m changing my direction.

i did it, father. i’ve given you and mom what you’ve always wanted, for your children to have a formal education.

so now, i evolve. i grow into a direction that not only leads myself farther away from that secure life, i do it with the intention and gumption of a race; getting there first.

There’s no harm in trying to erase past time, just as long as you remember where you came from.
I purchased a new guitar. A starburst Fender Stratocaster. I call her Betty, my dream machine. Cause that’s exactly where she comes from, a dream.

And I’ve got my 4-track recorder on its way.
All I need now is a Boss RV-5…reverb for days.
This is probably the first time in my life nothing too complicated stands in my way. I miss my home, so much…more than I thought I would, but I remind myself everyday why I’m here and that settles me…for now. So I’m working, pushing myself to the limit. My hands are tired, my fingertips are cracked. I almost burnt a tip off because I couldn’t feel the heat, the callouses are so thick.
But it’s just me, doing what needs to be done. My movements, my mind, my desire.
I’ve been talking to two old friends of mine a lot lately. They’ve been so inspiring to me. They have the drive and knowledge that matches mine, which is hard to find, especially with music and playing and creating. I want to just talk to them everyday, throw ideas back and forth, allowing the energy to grow.
I make discoveries that are so hard to find because of them two, freeing myself in a new way that most men only dream of, let alone any woman. It’s scary because I’m really looking at myself, but necessary.
You have to be the most honest with yourself than out of every person in your life when making music-listeners pick up on that shit. And although this has been a struggle for me, I’m grateful because it clears up my path. I see where I need to go and what I can leave behind.
Jill tells me during my difficult times that I’m finding all of this because I’m here, that it’s good for me to be here.

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