woman

the problem with the line / dividing me up / between the measurements i take / and the compounded screams my body’s chambers / make / is the simple fact that it makes me see / the atrocious fear your restless heart denies

my mind getting lost in the sanctity / of your eyes / blurring the space between / where you stand / and where i need to be

my pride in a pool on the floor / i wait for you / to catch up / to our start / waves of your echoes / rattling you / behind

faultless rains / washing us clean / yet you take / the first leave

out / to secondhand streams / a blinded sip / from a cup / mistaken

the fastest eater

sometimes the love just floats me. enough. and at this moment, it’s all i have left. it’s still the only thing i look forward to. the only thing that wakes me up and aligns the forms.

i’ve never had a reason to push beyond. not even enough reason from just myself. i’ve never felt enough for just me.

but then i look into a world, hovering in blue, and i peer into forever. where i’m distraught with the fear of letting go. and i feel this delicate balance i’m walking right next to — afraid of my tumble, my steps, shivering — and i see a look so pure that this world becomes a single flake, floating down. the slightest tinge of its cold touches me. my skin, then bursts with its spark, flaming my existence into a wildfire, burning everything around me.

so then, i know.
that i have to become. more into myself than i’ve ever known.

forever searching for the sound of his laugh. the one from his gut that strangles my air. pushing me to the front. telling me to hear.

hundred waters made me do it

i guess it has taken me a while

to view the synopsis of your heart —

a reconfigured alley way

where only the rain enters in —

black-hole-puddles, forming,

waiting to breathe with my steps

splashing through and in,

to the other side.

 

it’s my mistake that i never saw

the opportunity to rise above

that time i asked you

who she was

 

i guess i just got lost

along the/your way

quan|dary

i just wrote and erased. wrote and erased. wrote and erased a few times.

outlining the straightest lines to just give way
to me desecrating the front of my giving.
perpetuating my doubt.
without
the form of an original shape.
shielding a voice unlike another.
so afraid to hear.
whatever it is i have to say.

i have to settle the blame. i have to forgive the means.
i have to settle the blame. i have to forgive the means.
i have to settle the blame. i have to forgive the means.
i have to settle the blame. i have to forgive the means that got me here.
knowing once i stood there. and lived out a lie. i told myself. to sleep.

loosening the grip

the further you push away, the closer you are to yourself.

i’ve recently felt empowered to just disable the resistance i’ve always had. release my fears into the world and sit with the ideas i’ve never allowed myself to think.

to let you hate me.
to let you dismiss me as something known.
to let you THINK you see me, a side-eye dealing.
to let your words define me.
to let my actions sweep through your mind with repeated hands.
to leave me behind.

to become whatever it is that you think i am, so that you may sleep.

to then let me fly off. into a place where you have no idea about. where there aren’t any names. no established colors or shapes. no frigid lines. and the only way to move, is out. vocational will. blankets of snow to wash the weeds. forces of hearts.

the force of a heart.
the force of his heart.
the force of my heart.

the force of us

being free.